How To Stop Kobe From Making His Smug "Kobe-Face"

1. Punch him in his little, weaselly throat.
2. Bend him over a chair. I've heard he enjoys that, especially when visiting Colorado.
3. Scrape off his stupid "I cheated on you, Vanessa, and I am so deeply sorry that I will get a tattoo with your name, a lion and a crown on it so that you will know just how sorry I am" arm tattoo with sandpaper.
4. Play some actual defense.
5. Tell him that MJ actually trademarked the fist pump and scowl after big shots in 1995, and that he must pay a royalty every time he tries to do it.
6. Remind him that America, outside of the TMZ that surrounds LA, hates him and wishes that he would die. Oh wait, that's just me, I guess.
7. Chant, "Vaffanculo brutto stronzo finnochio" every time he attempts to shoot a free throw. If he REALLY knows Italian, this will totally rattle him. Like, totally.
8. Remove his lips. That way when he attempts this face, he'll just look sad and a little pathetic. Kind of like when Rosie O'Donnell tries to "act."
9. Gently remind him that he can be "focused" without looking like "he wants to kill every man, woman and child and then eat their still beating hearts" Smile a little, Kobe. You play a game for a living.

And oh yeah, picking the number 24 because it's one better than 23 does not mean that you are automatically better than Michael Jordan. P.S. I hate your face.